Highs and Lows

I should be terribly excited and happy right now, see 9 of my closest friends whom I've never met in real life are flying to California this weekend to visit myself and 3 other ladies. We've been planning it for some time and I get giddier with each passing day. I may not have met most of them in person, but I've talked with, laughed, cried, consoled, and pretty much lived my life with them for the past 2 years. The chance to actually be in the same room as them is amazing to me, much less spending a whole weekend hanging out without the kids. I. Can't. Wait.

But I'm still sad.

There was a mom of one of Bella's classmates that I volunteered with in Kindergarten, and we often still talk even though our kids are in different classes this year. They live right across a park from us, and although I didn't see us becoming best buddies, I thought it would be lovely to have another mom to chat with at the park, walk home with, etc... For a time we would wait for each other and walk home together or out to our cars. Our kids all got along well and love to play together.

Then Bella had a huge meltdown while walking home one day and it all changed. They were actually a block or so ahead of us, but I know she heard the screaming. She heard Bella screaming such gems as: "Help! Save me!" "I hate you!" "You're not my mother!" "I want to live with a new family!" "You're just a fat woman with no children", etc... This was all accomplished while hitting me, kicking me, biting me, and trying to run away. It was horrible. I was trying to keep myself from crying all the way home, and we haven't walked home since. The other mom no longer waits for us anymore. She says hi but barely seems to make eye contact with me now. Not only is her PDD-NOS isolating for Bella, it has the same affect on me too. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have other mom friends, most just don't understand the challenges in dealing with Bella sometimes.

If that wasn't bad enough another good friend seems to have cut me off as well. I'm not going into why here, but I thought our friendship was stronger then that. I guess I was wrong. :(